SOME THINGS I LEARNED ON MY SUMMER VACATION: A BACK-TO-SCHOOL ESSAY


1. coffee is a good substitute for sleep.

2. objects in shop windows may seem cuter, then they are average.

3. you can never wear too many petticoats at once.

4. hangovers can be very glamorous.

5. having a crush on someone’s poetry is not the same as having a crush on someone, but it’s almost the same.

6. the F train is new york’s best fashion competition.

7. the best things in life are things strangers give you because they’re vaguely confused by your existence.

8. sleeping in one’s own apartment is over-rated.

9.  walking across the williamsburg bridge in four-inch heels gives you superpowers.

10. write a poem every day, but don’t read a poem every day (unless you’re attempting IMMACULATE CONCEPTION: PART DEUX)

11. carve out a niche in your industry.

11A. do not make contemporary poetry your niche if you’re in an industry with a sustainable economy.

11A(i). unless you are really, really adept at sangria-fueled cocktail-party chatter.

12. everybody secretly cares about fashion, fashioning, or being-fashioned.

13. most poets are very cuddly, even if they pretend not to be.

14. sometimes you just have to eyeliner up & chainsmoke in black.

15. go out in clothes you’ll still want to wear the next morning.

16. popsicles are not the same as air-conditioning, but they help make life bearable.

17. always go out on the nights you feel like staying in.

18. sometimes stay in on the nights you feel like going out.

19. wear ridiculous accessories so strangers have to get to know you before they hit on you.

20. always forget your lighter.

21. retrieving your debit card from the bar you left it at the previous night can be a fun and exciting adventure.

21A. unless your debit card is being held hostage by an avant-garde scandinavian theatre troupe.

22. during your day job, pretend you’re the main character in a chick-flick about twenty-somethings marketed to precocious tweens.

23. the best classrooms have bartenders.

24. tell people they look pretty when they do. help them when they don’t.

25. keep your red lipstick & your passport on your person at all times.

26. practice your angles in the mirror.

27. take mini-breaks from life.

28. drunk-text unto others as you would have others drunk-text you.

29. sip, don’t chew.

28. when in doubt, wear something sparkly. or leather. or both.

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